As you can imagine, I have not been up to going out or calling to catch up much lately. Luckily, our real winter has totally covered for me as I have been snowed in many times. I have been perfectly functional though. My boss has asked me, "What's wrong?" just once and has unfortunately seen a brief outburst of tears but I cannot talk about it since it's important to remain professional at work. To my co-workers, friends, family and residents who have asked me about my relationship, I am deeply sorry for omitting the truth/ even lying, simply saying it's rough and crafting a quick story for Valentine's Day. I'm not used to doing so. I am trying to deal with it the best I can. The truth is... I am heartbroken. I possess endless patience for others, but that is certainly not the case in regards to myself. I am trying to be nice to myself. I am grieving my loss. It's just my second step in getting over someone is to realize that maybe he's not for me, to make the conscious decision to move on, even if moving on is still a gray area rather than black-and-white. That hasn't happened. I still want to be with him, with the man I love. Without going into detail, he's definitely worth waiting for.
Again, you shouldn't hate him. He's wonderful.
He calls me "Bella."
I feel like I want to be ready for the next step in my life, hence this post in this personal journal of mine. Writing this is actually a small step in itself. I am a very happy person and wouldn't want to remain this sad for long. I usually plan every last detail of my April birthday celebration by the end of January, and it's the end of February and I still have no idea what I'd love to do. I want to blossom again for upcoming spring, a season for rebirth.
I took Philadelphia off the table when I fell in love, hoping to move in with him instead; he happens to live in another city I love, in an amazing location within that city at that. Now, I pretty much block my thinking about where I want to move next, as long as it's out of my hometown. As goal-oriented and future-minded that I am, it feels incredibly odd to not have a solid short-term plan and goal. ...but I do know that I need to give myself some time. When I'm ready emotionally, I do want a major life change.
This post is not intended to have people feel sorry for me and definitely not to send a message to E (since we're not speaking and he knows about this blog). I do not want attention. I just needed to do something to begin to move forward with my life. As an INFJ, verbalizing my thoughts truly helps. I should really talk to a friend about specifics or at least write it down on paper, even if it gets trashed immediately. I adore my readers and so, wish to request that you are patient with me. I don't feel amazingly fabulous at this time, and as a result, I may not be working on my blog daily, therefore, publishing a bit less than I would want to. You can still expect to learn about one of my simple pleasures every Sunday however.
If this post were to have a message, then I would really want it to say: Be kind. You never know what a person is going through, be it a break up or something much worse. Furthermore, be there for one another. "I'm here for you." is a simple yet amazingly perfect and strong statement. Also, if you need help, please reach out to a friend, family member or the appropriate resource. Honestly, that's at least partially what they're there for.